It's about time that someone address the world's biggest problem. Talk about the devastating effects of terrorism or the shitty economy or the burden that children are all you want. I'm not interested. I'm still pissed about weather. And weather has been around a whole lot longer than annoying kids and people that blow themselves up for sport (and to get all those virgins. But really, after a dozen virgins or so, don't you think you'd want a professional?) In my opinion, we haven't looked into controlling the weather enough. Think about it for a second, we have space ships that blast off the face off the planet, land on the moon then come back to Earth. We have skyscrapers that are so high that stupid-ass Superman couldn't leap in a single bound. We have all of these amazing marvels of technology and engineering. They are all worthwhile endeavors.
But what about all of the scientists and engineers that are wasting their time on bullshit inventions, like childproof anything or the segway? Childproof anything is ridiculous. It's called natural selection, people. If the kid didn't pay attention to the "Mr. Yuck Sticker" lecture and decided to drink Drain-O anyways, what can I say? And the segway? Do we really need something to make walking obsolete? Aren't we fat enough, as a nation? It's bad enough we have those stupid handicapped shopping carts in the grocery store. Well, it's not stupid... if you're handicapped. But I have news for some people, and this may shock you, morbid obesity and laziness are not handicaps.
Back to my original point, if I can remember what it was. Oh yeah, weather. Now, I know I may complain about things from time to time (read: constantly) but I think I have every right to complain about the weather. When I was a kid, I was promised flying cars, time machines and giant domes over our cities to control the weather. Now, here I sit, eight days into the year 2010. Do I have flying cars? Nope. Do I have time machines? Nope. And you know what? I'm freezing my ass off because it's fucking cold and snowing!
But I'm trying to be civil, here. I can do without the flying cars. Know why? Because I've seen you pricks drive on the ground. Roughly 85 percent of the population hasn't figured out the dynamics of the turn signal, and you think I want you zipping around in the air with me? Not fucking likely.
Time machines. I was never impressed about the whole time machine thing. I thought the entire idea was stupid. Why would you want to go back in time? To see dinosaurs? Why? They're extinct, fuck 'em. To change something that happened in your life? They always say if you go back in time and change something, no matter how small, it'll alter everything from that point on. And look, if one day I'm famous and dating a supermodel, and you fuck that up for me, I will go back in time and ruin your shit.
Which bring us to giant domes to control the weather. Do not tell me that this is impossible. It's fucking possible. Just ask the New Orleans Saints, the Saint Louis Rams, the Indianapolis Colts or the Pittsburgh Penguins, who all built large domes to conduct business in. They seem to have gotten the idea. Why isn't this idea expanded onto a larger scale? Are the Germans not interested in this? I mean, the Germans took the idea of war to a grand scale, why not domes? Look at the picture of Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh. Look at the weather, all around the dome, threatening to do bad shit. Like rain, or be cold, or even fucking snow. Notice there is no one outside, prancing around in the weather. Why? Because they're smart. They're inside, protected from the evils of weather. So my proposal is to make all of the scientists and engineers working on stupid shit like waterproof boots for walking through the rain and snow, we get them working on giant, climate controlled domes.
There is, thankfully, another option. This one is a bit more controversial. I think we should eliminate weather. Now, I know what people are going to say, "How are we going to eliminate weather? It's natural." To that I say, "what in nature haven't we ruined yet?" People think weather is so powerful. But it's just nature. Look at all of the nature we've already owned. It doesn't stand a chance against mankind. And what, exactly is the point of nature? Is someone going to let me in on our plan for it? Are we never going to do anything with it? Are we just supposed to look at it? We're not going to exploit it for personal gain? I mean, if that's the plan, fine. I just want an email or something letting me know.
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