The Celtic Storm

Sean, do you (in all of your infinite wisdom) think that humans are meant to be monogomous, or is that completely against our animalistic instinct? I am not so much questioning the validity of love, I am more interested in the fact that two people who REALLY do love each other still seek sex/sexual activitties with people other than the person that are there "through sickness and health", and "for better or worse" bullshit. Do you believe you can have an "open" relationship and still maintain a happy and healthy one at the same time? *italics added by Sean as an assumption*

Because this is such a good question, not only will I answer at length, but I will also use a new format for "Ask Sean", with lots of shiny picture to hold everyone attention while I babble. This is a good question because as I thought about it last night, I related it to something I had read once. It was about the love-hate relationship that we, as human beings, have with food. There are overweight people who have made dieting into a multimillion dollar industry. I know that in the past, I have attacked obese people. I may have said something along the lines of "The Sean White guide to dieting includes such rules as 'Stop Eating People' and 'Get the Fuck Up and Move. And It Better Not Be Towards the Fridge'", maybe. Let me be clear about something. I am not hateful towards overweight people. I have dated many women that led a family member to call me a "chubby chaser". I have no problem with some extra weight. I don't look like Brad Pitt so I'm not looking for Angelina Jolie(?). And the whole uber-skinny girl thing? All I have to say is, if I see ribs, they better be covered in barbeque sauce. Anyways, what was said was that, in nature, it's absolute suvival of the fittest, no holds barred. But with humans, it's not. Humans are not supposed to kill each other, steal, lie, etc. But humans are as natural as any other creatures on this planet. One thing keeps us from never shaving, swinging from trees and throwing feces at people who look at us in cages. We have a highly developed and evolved brain. I mean, go back to nature. If you're a lion and you're hungry, you might kill another smaller lion so as to steal his dinner. And when you get home to your lioness, I get you lie your ass off telling her about how big the lion was and how courageous you were killing it (in the snow, uphill, both ways). We have a brain, but the reason we don't ordinarily do things like kill, lie or steal is actually fairly simple. Fear. We created this fear with our evolved brains. Remember that thing called the "10 Commandments"? Umm hmm... the fear of God kept early man straight for quite some time.

Which brings me to the question. (Apologies for the ramble, but it goes to what I am going to say) First, humans are creatures with natural, animalistic urges. But we have a brain that deciphers urges versus morality versus fear. Essentially, I find a woman attractive. I want to have sex with her. She's not interested. I mean, I know this wouldn't really happen, but we're talking theoretically here. My natural urge is to have sex with her, but morality and fear kick in. I don't want to force myself on her because it's wrong. To me. She has the right to choose who she has sex with. And fear. I am scared as fuck that, should people ever start turning into zombies, my grandmother would come back and make sure I knew how displeased she was. I'm serious. When I was young, I assumed that she would never die. Why? Because if she did, I probably wouldn't make my bed.

I think the answer lies in whether or not we are meant to be monogomous or not has to be answered by each individual person. Because of the human brains ability to decide between animal instincts or morality and fear, to me, it's an individual decision. If monogomy is not your thing, it's not your thing. If you can't be in a sexual relationship without an agreement of exclusivity, that's your right. It's all about finding someone who's compatible with your opinions regarding this. If you're looking for an exclusive relationship, don't date someone who wants an open relationship. It simply won't work. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times on this page, quit trying to forces a square peg into a round hole. It's not going to work.

Some people require a committment of exclusivity. It's not their fault, it's not even what they want, it's what they need. If you've ever been in a committed relationship and felt that fucked up hollow feeling in your chest when your partner cheats on you, that's what you'll feel the entire relationship if you're in a relationship where you want committment, and they want an open relationship. If you force them to be in a committed relationship and they want an open one, don't be surprised when they "accidentally sleep with some trashy girl at the club" (I still say that was not my fault, Jen)

Some people want to have an open relationship and I don't blame them at all. I've done this before and, honestly, it wasn't bad. But if you want to try to force someone into a relationship to your liking, be prepared to play twenty-thousand questions every time you've been out of their sight long enough to get your pants down. It will become annoying and overbearing and eventually you'll be in this "open relationship" cell of your own making. If you want open and they want committed and you give in, go buy yourself a yo-yo. You'll need it to practive the up and down motion of being together one day, off the next, back together the third. It's annoying, aggravating and it will ruin what was never meant to be.

To end, can two people have an open relationship and still maintain a happy and healthy one? Yes, but both have to agree that it's a mutual desire. And it has to be an actual desire on both parties. Not one jackass saying "I love you enough to do this for you." in order to keep being a part of the other persons life. Want proof? I did something for someone once. No, it doesn't matter what it was that I did. Let's just say I did something and move on. Quit giving me that look! What? No, this is not theoretically. Anyways, after doing something, I was resentful. Because I didn't want to do something but I did. Then I thought about all of the other something I could've been doing if I wasn't doing their something. And got pissed. But that's just me. I hate to use this analogy, but look at porn actresses who are married. Plenty of the relationships seem healthy (as well as their careers) so who am I, you or the religious right to judge. True love, the truest love, only comes through happiness from within. Not thrugh your partner, your bank account or sexual exclusivity. When you find someone that you feel is a perfect match, in every way, to you, whether it's man, woman or self, you should hold on to it.